Greek Life on Email Lists

In this technological age where nearly everything has “i” before it, it is not surprising that the age old battle of boys vs. girls has taken to the internet. Now the battle that I speak of is not necessarily he said, she said, but more a battle of quality. Yes ladies and gentleman, I am talking about fraternity and sorority email lists. Having been on a sorority list for about a year and having enough male friends forward me emails on a regular basis I feel like I am qualified to review and judge both.

Firstly, the sorority list. There are several “types” of email that get sent out. They can be classified into 3 main categories:

The Complaint Email aka The “OMGGGG” Email

If I had a dollar for every email that started “I’m not trying to be dramatic but..” I would be a very wealthy sorority girl. Email is a removed enough form of communication that girls feel comfortable sharing their feelings pretty bluntly, especially if someone has done something to irritate them. This can range from complaints about who ate the last of the spicy Doritos or who took whose yoga pants from the laundry room. The best part about these emails, though, is that no matter how scathing they may be they always end with a “Thanks girls!!” because it is, after all, a sorority email list.

The “Please can I borrow…” Email

This is the worst and most frequent type of email to be sent out to a sorority list. Because of the wide variety of events that sorority girls attend, and because of the even wider variety of dress up clothes that sorority girls acquire over the years, this email is a vicious perpetuating cycle. “DOES ANYONE HAVE A PURPLE ALLIGATOR ROMPER I CAN BORROW?? eom” is a realistic starting place when imagining this type of email. From feather boas to neon underwear, everything has been inquired after, and in most cases, loaned as well.

The “Come to my [insert strange activity or cause] meet/protest/gathering” Email

Because this is Stanford, another dimension has been added to the sorority email list that is not found on many other schools. The plea to be involved, somehow, in someone’s esoteric activity. Whether its signing a petition so that Stanford can buy a pet whale or being invited to watch dragon boat racing, the sorority email list is a great place to guilt-trip your sisters into supporting your weird extra-curriculars. It never hurts to put the subject line as “You guys all borrow my tops when we go out so its only fair that you….”

Fraternity lists, (like men?) are much simpler. They really only have one type of email and it is “The Funny story/clip/song/picture Email”. Yes, boys use the email list only for good, and to spread borderline inappropriate jokes. I recently got forwarded an email from a frat list for which the subject line was “guys I’m in line to buy 1000 chicken nuggets HAHHAH”. The email was sent at 1:30am and the best thing is that apparently at least three or four boys emailed back saying things equivalent to “wow that is so funny, best email ever.”

So is this a reflection of boys and girls, or just the way things work out in college? I love being on a sorority list, but sometimes I do wish that I woke up to a few less emails about purple nail polish and a few more about chicken nuggets.

We make your dreams come true, and then we

Fifa 11...how you have failed me.

A year ago, I was a Fifa addict. I don’t mean that in the way people usually refer to being addicted to seemingly petty things. “OMG, I’m addicted to Modern Family.” Would you start having convulsions if you missed an episode? No? Then shut up. You’re not addicted. After 3 hours or so of not playing Fifa, I would punch a nun in order to get my hands on a controller. I’m not sure in what scenario punching a nun would ever be some sort of pre-requisite for playing Fifa – but I’m just saying, if Sister Mary Clarence was all that was standing between me and the sweet caress of commentator Martin Tyler’s voice… no hesitation.

Just in case my nun analogy didn’t sufficiently clarify this point, let me reiterate – I was addicted to Fifa. My Larkin friends and I would put in a good 4-5 hours of fif-ing a day, every day, for the entirety of Winter, Spring, and Summer quarters. Don’t judge me. I’m not proud of it.

Why did my friends and I put such an ungodly amount of time into playing Fifa? Because Fifa 10 was, and is still, the most fun video game I have ever played. Plus the fact that you can play simultaneously with three other people in the same room makes you feel slightly less pathetic about spending a third of your waking hours on a video game. It’s a social experience…shut up, that’s the way I’m rationalizing it.

But why was Fifa 10 so fun? Because it was realistic…but not too realistic. I felt like I was playing something that closely resembled soccer, but I was fine with the fact that the game allowed me to do things that would never happen in a real soccer game. When I was in my prime, I could make Ronaldo dribble past 4 defenders, triple elastico past Rio Ferdinand, rainbow the ball over the keeper’s head, and then celebrate by doing a triple back flip. Fine by me. I walk away from that situation thinking “God I’m awesome” not, “That’s pretty unlikely that that would actually happen. I sure wish the game wouldn’t have let me do that.”

It was by no means common to see things like this in Fifa. What the players did was a reflection of the skill of the person playing the game. If someone had never picked up the game before they would be god-awful at it for at least a few weeks. If two people of average skill were playing each other, the game would typically be low-scoring and would be absent of any jaw-dropping maneuvers. But if you were the kind of person like me that put an utterly disgusting amount of hours into the game, you could do some pretty sick stuff.

But alas the game had its flaws. The defenders were unable to intercept passes without slide tackling. The only way to score one-on-one was to chip the goalie. You could feed a perfect through ball to your forward from 50 yards away without fail. There were elements of the game that were distractingly unrealistic. They needed to be fixed.

But in Fifa 11, EA cranked up the realism - and then some. Their thought process was “People are complaining that there are certain elements that are unrealistic. They must want a video game that is exactly like real soccer.” So they fixed what needed to be fixed, but then they kept “fixing” things. Players are slower and can’t cut as fast. Now, even the shiftiest forward can’t shake a single defender. Passes are also more “realistic”. They sold this feature as meaning that they were accounting for the random error and unique touch that is involved with every pass. In actuality, this means that the game arbitrarily decides when to have your players arbitrarily shank what would otherwise be a perfectly executed pass. Because in real life, sometime even the best shank a pass for no reason… screw you EA. If I press the right buttons, the players should act accordingly. If I tell my players to do sick stuff, they should do sick stuff.

Screenshot of Fifa 11. Note the fact that no one is doing any backflips.

That brings me to the next issue of disappointment, the utter lack of ability to do sick stuff. When the EA realism police was running their fine tooth comb through Fifa 10, they noticed that the amount of sick stuff done in the game was significantly higher than in real life. No longer! Now, even Messi struggles with moves I was doing in pee-wee soccer. Yes, I played pee-wee soccer at one point. Don’t judge me. I’m not proud of it. I didn’t know about football yet.

On the topic of football, Madden is yet another franchise that EA seems intent to ruin with excessive realism

The point being is that these changes vastly diminish the “game” aspect of video game. The pace of play is slower, there are far fewer goals, and again most disappointingly, there is a tragic absence of the doing of sick stuff. What we are left with is not a soccer video game, but a soccer simulator. That’s not what I played $60 for. That not what 2.2 million Americans payed $60 for on Fifa 11’s opening weekend. I highly doubt the U.S. has 2.2 million diehard soccer fans, what it has are 2.2 million people who want be able to do a Maradona around 3 defenders and then strike a goal off of a chest volley from the top of the 18. Stop worrying about the purity and realism of your games and just give the people what they want.

-Malcolm McGregor

Ke$ha will "Blow" your mind!

So, I grabbed the bear by the throat, looked him right in the eyes, and I said "Bear, you have 'till the count of 'zero' to put some pants on and to apologize to the President." And, um...that's the story of how I was elected to the Parliament of Uzbekistan.

Does the above statement leave you confused? Perhaps slightly intrigued?


If so, then Kesha has done her job. Born from glitter and the adhesive of false eyelashes, the singer Kesha (known also as Ke$ha), is the epitome of electro-trashy-dance-pop. She sets herself apart from other pop-stars with her unique style and complete lack of sobriety, which makes her a guilty pleasure (oh-so-good) to listen to and to watch. However, I'm not here to review her music, personality, or PR campaign; I'm just here to review her latest music video.

The anecdote above about the Bear and the President is Kesha's opening line in her latest music video, which was released Friday, February 25th for her song "Blow." (She's not talking about the drug or jobs....probably.) In any case, the video is surprising, ridiculous, fun, shallow, a little dirty, and very fascinating, just like the pop star herself. Honestly, the song isn't even that great. I find that it lacks the energy of many of her other hits. The video, on the other hand, is everything one would expect from Kesha.

Or maybe some things are impossible to anticipate.

In any case, the setting of the video is a fancy-people black tie affair, where all attendees have unicorn heads (instead of human heads), except for Kesha and her nemesis, played by James Van Der Beek. The atmosphere has a faux-James Bond quality, which is obviously not meant to be serious. Kesha seems to be attempting to step her class up a notch with her appearance--instead of dressing for the $5 late-night club, she's dressed for the $1,000 secret agent club. Whether or not this is the beginning of an attempt at transforming her image from here on out is unclear. I have a feeling though, that based on the lightheartedness of rest of the video, she's just dressing for the part in this particular video. The most outrageous part of her outfit is her (wonderful) pair of glitter-revolver-shoes, which aren't even that scandalous.


The plot of the video involves a flirtatious glaring match between Kesha and Van Der Beek, followed by witty banter, and a final confrontation. The back and forth between the two is hilarious, involving quite a few unexpected moments that simultaneously evoke confusion and joy. I don't want to give away the final surprise of the video, which involves the final engagement. Although I'll give you a sneak-peak...it involves rainbows.


Kesha's new music video for "Blow" is a joke. A well-done, hilarious, entertaining, wonderful joke. It will have you laughing and guessing until the end. The video may be viewed below.

A Divine Facebook Message

Alarm goes off. I pry my eyes open. I open my computer. I go to the bathroom while the laptop’s turning on. Letting the dreams leave my brain; prepare for the real world. Facebook, of course, is the tab that’s open. Facebook is my entrance into reality. In my grogginess I see someone posted a new picture. Someone wants me to attend the event “Dobby Remembrance Day”. Someone just entered a relationship. And there sitting in the middle of the newsfeed is a message from God…

“On this day God wants you to know…” says my newsfeed.

Half-awake I stare at this divine message. My shock and awe is somewhat subdued though, as I’ve seen such messages before. Now to be fair, God himself did not send me this message—no, he sent it to my friend, posted it on her wall. He sends messages to a few of my lucky friends who have added the “On this day God wants you to know” Application.

On a daily basis this miracle of communication can be seen! God is sending messages to facebook pages everywhere!

Though God’s punctuation use is questionable:

And He may remind you of all the things that make you feel bad:

And His message is sometimes that he wants you to know....then gives you a command:

And He makes up words:

His messages still enlighten facebook users on a daily basis.

Now perhaps this sarcasm, mocking the idea that a deity, God specifically, would actually be suspected to be communicating with people through facebook is unfair. Sorry Zuckerberg, but God may not actually be using facebook to communicate, perhaps the intent of these Godly messages is not to impersonate a deity—and perhaps one is not to suppose that these messages are given by God, but rather by some earthly being sitting at his or her computer typing away relaying God’s message. Some mortal soul who has the power to know what God wants me to know about my day. This person is not impersonating God, but merely passing along his messages.

This makes me feel a little better. Now my message from God is being translated through some unbelievably powerful and all knowing individual who is blessed enough to have the right to speak for God, but has a Facebook account like any other mortal.

The immense power of this person conveying the message is a little unnerving. If my facebook page told me that God wanted me to know that I’m doing things wrong, I should talk less, or appreciate the world more, or make myself more “un-busy” how could I possibly not change my entire being to follow this divine advice?

But then, I guess I can see the appeal. Having an uplifting message reminding me to put my problems aside, and were I religious perhaps bringing my faith into my facebook world could be extremely rewarding. Maybe seeing these daily messages “from God” would be just enough to remind me of my beliefs and would balance out some of the stupid, silly, and vain uses of facebook…

But wait…I do not have the app. God sends me no messages. I am left to negotiate the world without the input of God on my facebook profile. But at least I get the chance to see what he wants my friends to know every once in a while. Even though it’s not a message personally intended for me, I can take the advice to heart. I greatly appreciate when my friends share this Godly advice with me.

Kimmy Scheible

Watching with Nostalgia Goggles: "Legend of the Seeker"

Sometimes you want to watch a TV show that makes you think about your place in the world, or contains a complex and intricate plot, or argues for the role of morality and truth in people’s lives. And sometimes you want to watch a TV show where you can turn off your brain and watch a hot shirtless guy swing his sword around - but get your mind out of the gutter, I don’t mean it like that! As a kid I was quite the fantasy addict, so when I was looking through “Hulu” to find a new show to watch, my nostalgia goggles caught sight of the fantasy series “Legend of the Seeker.” Based on The Sword of Truth book series by Terry Goodkind, the show chronicles the journey of a young farm boy named Richard Cypher who learns that he is the Seeker. A prophecy says he will defeat the evil overlord of the land, Darken Rahl, so he sets off on his quest in the company of the beautiful Confessor named Kahlan and an old Wizard named Zedd.
I know, I know - haven’t you heard that one before? I’ll be the first one to admit that even though I like this show, it’s definitely not the most original series out there - by a long shot. The first episode alone made me think I was watching Star Wars - a young farm boy told by an old man he’s a powerful warrior with a great destiny to fulfill? his father is tragically murdered by his enemies? - and I haven’t even seen the first Star Wars film! (Don’t worry, I’m working on fixing this.) The series works its way through a mass of fantasy cliches, ranging from the destined hero who was whisked away after his birth to be raised by poor farmer; to the romance that can never be (or so they think) between the Seeker and his Confessor, the woman sworn to protect him; to the old mentor who guides the destined hero on his journey. The show isn’t helped by the way it strings elements from the book series together out of order and tends to drop and then pick up plot threads at what sometimes feels like random moments, pacing that often goes at a whirlwind speed, and somewhat fairly cheesy acting.
But why I do I like this show, if it’s as bad as I make it out to be? As cheesy as it is, the creators of the show know it’s not high quality television and don’t try to pretend otherwise. Although the show does have its serious (some that are quite disturbing) moments, overall “Legend of the Seeker” is just plain FUN. The main characters, although they grow more 3-dimensional over the course of the series, are appealing even if a little flat, and I especially like that the two most badass characters in the entire show are two women. There will never be a day when I don’t appreciate ladies kicking ass. I also loved the lack of angst and man-pain that characterize so many male main characters in films and TV shows these days - yes, I know Batman’s quite the figure in popular culture now, but not every main dude needs to be brooding and dark to be an interesting protagonist. Richard maintains an endearing cheerfulness and determination through the course of show, even when things go wrong.
Finally, I will confess that the relationship between Richard and Kahlan managed to break through my usually cynical unromantic heart and charm me. Although the first season did start out with a “will they won’t they” plot, the tension wasn’t just added for drama. Kahlan’s power as a Confessor allows her to take control over anyone she touches, and although she usually can control her power, if she were sleep with someone, she would be unable to control her own strength and 'confess' him or her, rendering them her slave until she dies. (Yeah, the show not only has fantasy cliches but some rather icky ones about women’s sexuality too - oh, a woman having sex will just be overwhelmed by the pleasure and won’t be able to control herself! - but since it’s also in the book series, I blame Terry Goodkind.) Instead of just angsting about not being able to be together, however, Richard and Kahlan work through the issue and decide to be in a relationship anyway, even if they can’t be intimate, and they manage to stay together for the entire series, with no horribly written love triangles in sight. (Their love even manages saves the world once or twice. Talk about epic.) They work through their problems and talk about their issues as a couple - and everyone knows communication is just damn sexy. I’m so used to the usual formula of creating conflict by not allowing couples to talk to each other that I was pleasantly surprised to find none of that here.
So, if you’re looking for a lighthearted fantasy show with a lot of heart, give “Legend of the Seeker” a try.

-Alexandra Peers

Remaking a Classic

The entertainment industry has clearly run out of ideas.

It has been annoyingly frustrating to sit in a movie theater and see previews showing how Hollywood is set to remake yet another classic film or produce a sequel that will undoubtedly tarnish the prestige of the original. If one were to attempt to find the greenest industry, it would have to be the entertainment industry, an industry full of recycled ideas.

Always providing a humorous social commentary, South Park makes light of this problem with the episode “Save Hat.” In this episode, Stan, Kyle, and Cartman go on a quest to stop this horrible issue. Creating an organization to “Save Films from their Directors,” the boys find themselves in the midst of a terrible conspiracy where George Lucas and Steven Spielberg are planning to remake Raiders of the Lost Ark.

This episode ends with the same result as almost every recycled idea that we have seen Hollywood produce. Viewers of are appalled by a terrible version of the Indiana Jones remake saw Ewoks chasing a young Harrison Ford.

As such, they responded, saying “Wait a minute, this version is awful” and “Yeah, they ruined it.” When George Lucas has a change of heart and decides that it is time to stop this horrible trend, an evil Spielberg works to stop him. The boys from Colorado as usual, save the day, making sure that nothing will be done to tarnish the original Indiana Jones. This South Park parity provides a useful social commentary for the problems of Hollywood. Watching the cartoon version Steven Spielberg turn into an evil director whose only goal is to make money, it becomes evident that Hollywood has become this.

Did we really need a remake of Karate Kid? Was Jackie Chan really better than Pat Morita?
Did a second Star Wars trilogy enhance the franchise?
Was the new Knight Rider better than what David Hasslehoff did?
Is another Indiana Jones movie necessary?

The answer to all of these questions is NO. These remakes did little to help the originals; if anything they simply tarnished our memories of excellent entertainment. The quest of these South Park friends to stop Spielberg from releasing an unnecessary remake is a quest that any fan of an original work can relate to. The evil Spielberg is a representation of the lack of creativity that plagues Hollywood.

There are counterexamples to this argument. The Dark Knight was an excellent film that showcased the abilities of Heath Ledger and provided a new look at the Batman universe. With the right director, excellent writers, and talented actors, a recycled idea can be the basis for an excellent work. Unfortunately, for every Dark Knight, there are dozens of Star Wars: the Phantom Menace.

This entire debate and this episode lead to the inevitable question, are there any good ideas left in the entertainment industry? For all of our sakes, I hope that the answer is yes.

-Enrikson Eugenio

The episode can be viewed here:
http://www.southparkstudios.com/full-episodes/s06e09-free-hat

Friday Night Lights. And the summer I became addicted to it.

Every time I see any high school-based TV show commercial I grimace in disgust. I simply don’t like the overly-exaggerated drama about boy problem, cliques, high school queen bees and jocks, and the load of problems that come with oversensitive, hormone-raging teens. The high school setting is portrayed in such an unrealistic way, or at least most of these bizarre problems were never seen in my rural-town high school. So I guess I can see why I can’t relate to any of them. Regardless, I always tried to stay clear of any of these shows.

Or, at least that was the case until this past summer.

The summer after freshman year I spent 5 weeks in my sister’s nearly furniture-less and vacant townhouse near UCSD as I took a summer class. Faced with no one to hang out with, and no Netflix for about two weeks (my sister had just moved into the place), I resorted to a DVD of the first season of Friday Night Lights that belonged to my sister’s roommate. I had never heard of it before, and I learned it was about a high school football team from a small town called Dillon in Texas from the DVD case synopsis. I reluctantly watched it on my laptop one night and was hooked immediately. I spent the next couple of weeks watching 4 seasons every spare time I had.

The first three seasons were by far, the best. It’s easy to quickly warm up to Coach Eric Taylor with his strict yet inspiring coaching methods. He molds his players’ characters and shows a sincere interest in not only their success as football players but as leaders within their community. His wife, Connie Taylor, is a guidance counselor and is equally involved in ensuring that the high school students do well.

Now, I can’t say this show is exempt from your regular bizarre, slightly unrealistic high school drama. All the characters look much too old to be in high school, simply because the actors are well in their twenties, for the most part. Tim Riggins, one of the few characters that is present in most of the show, is a brooding and handsome football player who spends most of his time holding a beer bottle and shows absolutely no interest in any of his relationships. A handful of the girls are often fighting over a guy are some other silly thing, and overall, a ridiculous amount of importance is given to the football team by the small town of Dillon. The players are idolized by everyone and it becomes rather annoying to watch as any football drama is expounded to larger levels than it deserves.

However, all strange drama set aside, most of the students’ and players’ stories are inspiring and heart-felt. The story plot is addicting and you quickly invest yourself in the character’s experiences. I found myself laughing with their happy moments, crying at their disappointments, and cheering for the football team. All in all, these high school characters seem more real and believable than most other high school show characters, or at least in my opinion.

A few weeks ago I sat on my bed on a weekend night, clutching my pillow to my chest as I watched with much emotion, the last scenes of Friday Night Lights’ finale episode. The Emmy Award-winning TV series aired its final season. As I watched it, all the characters’ stories rushed in my mind and I felt a mixture of emotions because I had become invested in the characters’ lives and I wasn’t sure how to feel it all come to an end. So even though I feel like a hypocrite for spending most of my life shunning popular high school TV shows and then becoming such a fan of one, it’s all worth it because FNL is the best!

Jacqueline Cervantes

Spartacus: Gods Of The Arena Season Finale

THE BEST 62 minutes of television i've seen in a while, or in my entire life for that matter.

I mean wow, where to even start? Watching the Oscar's over the weekend, i swear to god this season finale should have been right up there alongside King's Speech and Inception. (Social Network, you're not included, how dare you beat Inception in the Best Music category.) This episode had everything from backstabbing to face-stabbing, literally, watch the final scene and you'll know what i mean.

With the abrupt death of Titus, his son and now sole ruler of the ludus Batiatus, swears vengeance upon Tullius who he believes was responsible for the murder of his father. We as the audience know that it was in fact his wife, Lucretia, who poisoned the wine but hey, nobody likes Tullius anyways, hes a *@#%#%&.

After talking to his most prized gladiator Gannicus, who is pretty badass might i add, Batiatus realizes that he too wants to seek revenge for the death of his secret lover Melitta who unfortunately also drank the wine and that there is no way in hell he's going to sell him to Tullius and his puppet Vettius even though they risk not being included in the games at the new arena.

In the following scene we see Batiatus' close friend Solonius informing Tullius that Batiatus is in fact going to set Gannicus free so that he does not have to sell him and that there is still time to catch him. At this point we're all thinking, dammit Solonius why'd you have to betray Batiatus, not cool man. But wait! Whats this?! A DOUBLE BETRAYAL?!!? Thats right guys. Thinking he could catch Batiatus red handed, Tullius follows Solonius to find Batiatus in the mean streets of Capua. Unfortunately for Tullius when he does find him, hes outnumbered.

Double Betrayal FTW!

After a good old fashioned beating, Oenmaus is about to finish Tullius off with a nice sword to the throat but Batiatus stops him and suggests a better method of execution. Yup, you guessed it, not only does Tullius get multiple swords plunged into him as if he were some human pin cushion, he gets the privilege of being buried ,while still barely alive, within the very walls of the new arena! Yay! So now that's done with, we now move on to the final fight scene of the finale and boy was it spectacular. But hold on, theres a twist. With Tullius gone and Vettius, his lap-dog, left powerless, Solonius is able to force Vettius into giving all of his gladiators to him to the surprise and disgust of Batiatus who was supposed to receive half of them. So now the stage is set and its Solonius' ludus against the house of Batiatus, Bring it on.

(Thats right, theres a ring of fire surrounding them as they fight.)

Imagine somehow combining all of the fighting scenes from 300 and Gladiator into something like 7 minutes of footage with better fight choreography and cooler finishing moves and then you'll only begin to understand how awesome this scene is.

Im not going to go into too much detail for this scene because you really should watch it yourself but ultimately what happens in the end is Gannicus and Crixus are left to finish off the last opposing gladiator but the latter is thrown out of the ring like a rag doll and its now only Gannicus and the other dude. After a few clashes of swords, shields and skulls, Gannicus finishes the poor gladiator off with a move so disturbing but awesome, it's absolutely jaw-dropping (no wordplay intended, see picture below).

Ouch.

Bitter by the thought of defeat, Solonius gets back at Batiatus by suggesting to the magistrate, the idea of setting Gannicus free as a prize for his performance in the arena and the magistrate agrees. In the end, the house of Batiatus has once again proven to be the best ludus in Capua but unfortunately its prized champion must go.

Peace out!

A short but eventful season, Gods of the Arena was able to layout and explain many of the unexplained stories that were shown in the first season Blood and Sand. From this season, we were able to find out many things such as who was the champion before Crixus, how Ashur broke his leg and why Batiatus hates Solonius. With all the success that this show has had, its unfortunate that actor Andy Whitfield, who plays the role of Spartacus, will no longer be part of the series due to his medical condition. So far it's rumored that actor Liam Mcintyre will be the new replacement for the role but there is a lot of skepticism regarding his ability to live up to the expectations of the fans who will have to wait a painfully long year for the new season to come out.

For more information on the show visit there official website here.

- Masato Kuok

Confessions of a Soap-Addict

When I think about soap operas, I think about “Days of Our Lives”. My grandma couldn’t stop talking about it one Thanksgiving dinner, and as a kid I remember flipping through daytime TV in a vain attempt to find something remotely of interest, only to wind up on that horrible show. Unfortunately, I feel I’ve been seduced by the soap opera. Not the blatant daytime TV soap on Life, I’m talking about the soaps in disguise. It has manifested itself in new shows and relied upon violence and sex to get my young adult mind interested--I have succumbed to something I told myself I’d never like (not knowingly of course). “Mad Men” and “Spartacus”, shows that are on AMC and Starz respectively, have caught my attention. A couple of my friends recommended them to me once LOST finished. There’s no harm in watching shows that your friends recommended right? WRONG! I was hooked and it took a little while for both shows, but eventually they exhibited the quality I associate most with soaps: illegitimate pregnancy! I honestly don’t know where this association originated but I can tell you every soap opera has one, I can guarantee it! (Spoiler Alert!) In “Mad Men” it was Peggy Olson having Pete Campbell’s child and in “Spartacus: Blood and Sand”, it was Lucretia having Crixus’ child. I couldn’t believe it, I had been caught, hook line and sinker. And while I initially protested to the bastardization of these shows, I kept watching. I was stuck on a ventalator with a morphine drip awaiting helplessly for the culmination of these stories. It seemed ridiculous, but I was addicted, and now I wait eagerly for the coming seasons of both shows. Something I swore I’d never do as a child was watch soap operas. Despite this self-betrayal (that sounds like a common soap theme), I will continue to watch “Mad Men” and “Spartacus”, but one thing is for certain; I’m never watching “Days of Our Lives”!!

The first step is admitting you have a problem.

Jim Nelson

Minecraft: Or How I Learned To Stop Wondering Where The Past Four Hours Have Gone And Just Love This Game

Today I shall step away from rabidly playing Minecraft to review Minecraft. Minecraft is an independently published game that was originally made by only one man. It has sold over one million copies to this day, and the creator has founded a game studio with the profits in order to further polish and finish the game. Minecraft is probably best explained as the love-child of model train enthusiasts and Legos. The entire world is made out of little square blocks. You can destroy them, pick them up, place them to build things, mix them together to make other things, and at night monsters come. That’s pretty much the entire game. But that is not a condemnation. Games like Minecraft and the Sims are perfect examples of emergent game play. The game would lose something if you had to do something, like slay a dragon threatening a town or something. Instead you are your own adventure. And it never disappoints. For this review, I started up a brand new world. And since it is so hard to review an experience, I’ll just share mine.

I awoke on a shore of a small beach. In the distance I could see snow-capped hills and forests as far as the eye could see. Under the frozen ocean before me squid swam and menaced me. Looks like I am not going swimming anytime soon, I thought. As I turned around I saw something on a far hill. Here the snow ended and instead sat a massive tree, forever ablaze. Since I obviously had never seen any horror movie ever, I ventured toward the blazing unknown inferno.

I guess I had picked my direction correctly. Over the small hill was entire forest of flame. And I now saw the source. Lava was pouring from a small cave in the face of a nearby mountain and pooling in the forest. It had incinerated the leaves off the trees but had left the trunks and branches intact, just on fire. It was quite the site to behold, and decided this was a good enough landmark to build a temporary fortification at. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to miss the massive makeshift torches from any point nearby. It seemed like a good idea at the time, so I built a small wooden shack near the lava flow and began making tools.

A few seconds past and then I heard it. Horrible, unearthly sounds of pain. I stepped out of my sanctuary and saw it. A massive green abomination was on fire and barreling towards me. I sprinted away from my hovel and headed deeper into the conflagration. I didn’t make it too far. “HSSSSSSSSSSSS!” the monster shouted, before exploding. I was far enough away to survive the blast, but I couldn’t say the same about the surrounding terrain. What was once grass and dirt was a massive hole. The explosion caldera linked into an underground cave system.

Now imagine this, only on fire

I hoofed it back to my home and produced some torches since the hole was pitch black, and returned to the cavern entrance. Tossing a torch on the wall every few feet, I began my descent. I hadn’t gone too far when I heard scuttling from my right. From around a corner a massive spider leapt out at me. I had forgone weapons, so it was me wielding a pickaxe versus an arachnid monstrosity. I barely emerged victorious. Around that corner I found where the beast had come from. A nest of the bastards was right in my cave. So I threw a handful of torches inside to scare the bastards out and blocked off the tunnel that led to me. A pinnacle of bravery I am not. Just past the spider nest I saw it. A massive hole going straight down. I could hear and sort of see water pooling at the bottom, but the rest was pitch black. So I leapt off the edge, into the abyss.

The abyss, lit up after the fact

I’ve learned a few things since that first night on the beach. Whenever I die, I wash back up on the same beach. I am stuck in the blocky purgatory. But I don’t have to keep hiding. I will not run from them anymore. I returned from the abyss with massive amounts of iron. I have a sword now. And a bow and a handful of arrows. I am no longer the hunted. I hunt them for sport, for resources, for the catharsis. I lure them into fields of flame or into massive pits. I outsmart them and out maneuver them. This is my world, damn it, not yours. I’m just going to take it back. One massive spider or exploding green monstrosity at a time.

-Joe Schlicht